Ever Afters
by bbgirl17555
Summary: Jolie, John and Natalie, Complete,.... Set right before Colson's arrest, John didn't lie when he told Evangeline he spent the night working, he just failed to specify where...
1. Part One

**Ever Afters**

Set right before Colson's arrest. John didn't lie when he told Evangeline he spent the night working, he just failed to specify where.

**Part One**

The soft persistent rapping at the door brought Victoria Davison out of her deep slumber as she quickly gathered her robe about her and padded down the stairs. John McBain stood on the other side of the door feeling foolish, yet not knowing how else to proceed. He was releasing Kelland, they at least had the right to know. He refused to acknowledge that voice in the back of his mind that persistently brought Natalie's name to the forefront. She was probably asleep anyway, he just wanted to make sure Matthew was safe- that's all.

Viki opened the door with a yawn. "John?" She peered out into the darkness.

"Sorry to wake you, Mrs. Davison." John apologized, standing in the threshold. "Kelland's off duty. Just wanted to let you know I would be taking his post."

"Come in, come in." Viki ushered him inside, out of the cool night air. "Have you heard from Bo? I tried to wait up for his call but I'm afraid that I'm not quiet the night owl that I used to be."

"He called." John acknowledged, and seeing the questions at the tip of his hostess' tongue quickly tacked on, "But I can't really say anything else. He just wanted to make sure Matthew had an officer on him."

Viki was tempted to ask John how he got wrangled into such a position when normally Bo would have given the job to someone a little less high on the food chain, but she bit her tongue. Having a sneaking suspicion that it had more to do with her red headed daughter than her nephew. "Well it was very kind of you to volunteer, John."

John didn't rebuke her assessment of the situation. "Well I'm not getting much sleep these nights, not with the Killing Club murders. I figured this might be a better use of my time."

As if a cool draft had blown in the room, Viki shivered, clutching her robe tightly. "I must admit that I have been rather concerned about Natalie's safety. What happened at Carlotta's diner was too close of a call in my book."

"Mine too." John nodded, trying not to remember the kick in his gut he felt when he saw the mass of red hair lying over the oil vat. He stood for a moment, shifting his weight before heading to the door. "Well I'll just keep watch out here then. Sorry to have waken you."

"Absolutely not! It is far too cold out there. You stay in the house, there are apples in the kitchen if you get hungry, and Natalie and Matthew rented an assortment of games and DVD's which is no doubt why the library doors are closed. " Viki gestured with a nod of her head to the white double doors leading to the library. "Jessica used to do the same thing, they think that if I can't see the mess then I won't know it's there."

John returned Viki's smile, understanding why Natalie was so head over heels for her. She was a great lady. "Thank you, Mrs. Davison."

Viki nodded, heading up the stairs. "Good night, John."

He listened as Natalie's mother padded back to bed, and her door shut with a decisive click before running a hand through his hair. "Never gonna learn." He muttered darkly to himself, not sure why he had suddenly volunteered to play guard dog, or more accurately sure of the cause but denying it. Sighing he pulled back one of the white pocket doors and smiled to himself.

Natalie was asleep on the couch; she was sitting upright with her head leaning against the back, her red hair a stark contrast to the green fabric. Nestled on a throw pillow on her lap was Matthew, feet pointing towards the TV, game controller still in his slumbering fist. John moved to cover them, a surge of unfamiliar sentimentality coming over him. He had just gathered the blanket from a nearby chair when Natalie's spoke.

"I'm not asleep." She commented; eyes still closed.

"Well you're giving a pretty good imitation of it."

"Mmm..." Natalie forced her eyes open, the blue all the stronger due to her rest, like twinkling sapphires. "Couldn't stay away?" She teased lightly.

"Bo called." He replied.

"I heard."

"Don't think he'd be to thrilled with you letting Matthew stay up past his bedtime."

"Who said I let Matthew stay up past his bedtime?" Natalie challenged. John raised an eyebrow, and gestured to their surrounding, two glasses of half drank milk with pieces of Oreo cookies floating around, a bowl of popcorn, an untouched plate of apple slices, and a leaning stack of rented DVD's and video games ready to come crashing to the floor. "Okay," Natalie admitted with a shy smile. "So maybe I let him stay up a little later than usual but last time I checked that's what cool older cousins get to do. They revoke bedtime."

John sat on the sofa across from them, the distance necessary to reign in images that flashed in his head. Too easily his mind had jumped to a surreal future, that it could be them, their son, or maybe a daughter with red hair, in a house much smaller but filled with as much love. And those daydreams, those fantasies were dangerous, because they led to hope. And it couldn't happen. John wouldn't let it.

"I know that look." Natalie smiled, knowingly.

"What look? There was no look." John replied in a rush, panic rolling in lest he be discovered. And then what could he do? Tell her... never. It was just a fantasy. They couldn't be together. It was too dangerous. She already held too much of his heart.

"A huh." Natalie nodded, trying to keep a straight face. "And that wistful look in your eyes right now was... what exactly?"

"There was no wistful look."

"Right." Natalie smiled. "Just a trick of light? Or I was obviously hallucinating..."

"I'd buy the hallucinations." John replied with a dry sense of humor.

"Funny." Natalie rolled her eyes, fighting off the urge to throw something at him. They sat in silence for a moment before the tension became to great and Natalie spoke again. "Its nothing to be embarrassed about, John. To tell you the truth I was thinking the same thing."

John's mouth suddenly went dry. "You were?"

TBC


	2. Part Two

**Part Two**

"To tell you the truth I was thinking the same thing."

John's mouth suddenly went dry. "You were?" He managed to croak out, unsure if this way a dream come true or a nightmare.

"Yes." Natalie replied with a reassuring smile. "I get it, John. It's our destiny."

"Destiny?" Panic, full-fledged panic had started to settle around John. Suddenly the room felt too small, and was it hot? John was sure it had suddenly gotten rather warm.

"Yep. It's our punishment for being born first. I get the same way. I look at Matthew and I can't help but remember when Rex was small." Natalie shrugged. "Well before Aunt Corrine came and took him away. I'm the sure it's the same for you. You think of Michael when he was little."

John let out a nervous laugh, trying to release the ball of tension that had settled in his gut. Count on Natalie to see him as a hero, as the caring, nostalgic older brother. If only that were the case. "Yeah. I liked Mickey a lot more when he was younger, ya know before he learned to talk."

"Somehow I think I would have liked him best before he could talk too."

And there it was, they were back to them. John fidgeted slightly under her gaze, all the while wanting to wring his little brother's neck. If he had stayed out of it, if Michael had just kept his trap shut- but no, John knew that was a lie. Maybe it wouldn't have been quite so awkward but it still would have been there, hanging in the air between them, this unnamed thing, this connection, this knowledge that Natalie loved him and that he cared about her. Cared more than he liked to admit.

Natalie, as if sensing the shift in mood, spoke up. Keeping it light, keeping the surface smooth, not able to go there again, wiping away the friction with simple topics. "When Rex was little, ya know, Roxy was never home, so I used to tuck him into bed. And he always used to beg me to let him stay up later or not to brush his teeth or whatever. And you know how persuasive Rex can be..."

John found himself truly grateful to Natalie and played along, smoothing out the ripples. "I can imagine."

"So you can imagine how I would always cave. And then one day I found this little doll left at the playground. She was like one of those mom dolls from a dollhouse. So I brought her home and I told Rex she was the boss, and whatever Mrs. Beasley said was the rule."

"Mrs. Beasley?" John asked with a smile, trying not to think too hard about Natalie growing up. Trying not to wonder if he had ever passed a little red head girl with too many problems and not enough love.

"Hey, don't laugh. It worked. Rex actually started to listen. Kinda wished he still would."

John didn't want to talk about Rex. Rex would only lead to the investigation, and the investigation would only lead to questions, and then he would have to explain yet again why he couldn't tell her what was going on. "So tell me whatever happened to this Mrs. Beasley?"

"I gave it to Rex the day my Aunt Corrine came and took him away." Natalie replied with a shrug. "I didn't want him to be alone."

A little red head, maybe on the pier, maybe outside a casino, sitting alone- the image refused to release its hold on John's mind. How come no one noticed her? How come no one saved her? She had just fallen through the cracks and no one even saw. He didn't want to think what would have become of her if she hadn't found her real family. She could be another one of those cases he had cut his teeth on as a rookie. Another girl marred with bruises brought in for possession or worse, always clinging to some abusive boyfriend, wanting so desperately to be loved.

"Penny." Natalie's voice pulled John from his contemplation.

"What?" He wrinkled his brow.

"For your thoughts. You looked kinda intense over there, I mean, more than usual."

"Just thinking, that's all."

"Uh-oh?" Natalie questioned.

"Nah." John shook his head. "I was just thinking that must have been hard for you." Seeing the color rose on Natalie's cheeks he quickly added. "Giving away Mrs. Beasley." John knew Natalie didn't like to talk about her childhood, didn't like to be pitied or fussed over. Even if she deserved it, even if she would have been praised. It wasn't worth the cost of admission, recounting memories best left undisturbed.

Natalie shrugged. "Not a big deal really. I mean poor Rex was being taken away from his home, from everything he knew." She didn't mention how she had cried to go along, how she had begged and pleaded and prayed every night for almost a year. "It's just what you do when you take care of someone is all. Put there needs first."

And John wondered if she meant that. If she could understand how he was putting her needs first. Better to break her heart now than later, better to have her crying than dead because of him. Because loving him, it killed people. And he wouldn't let it happen, not to her- not to his Natalie. But he didn't say any of that, he just gestured to Matthew with a small smile. "And they act as a pillow?"

Natalie sighed, looking down at her sleeping cousin in her lap, not too long ago it had been Rex, not too long ago she and Cristian had been planning on a family of their own. "I was gonna move him once he fell asleep, but he's a lot heavier than he looks."

"Here let me." John offered, standing.

"No, really, it's okay. I'm fine here."

"Natalie." John said her name slowly, making sure he had her full attention as sapphire locked on to sapphire. "Let me help." He insisted.

Natalie bit her tongue, wanting to offer more resistance but knowing it was futile. Didn't John know it was better not to let others help? To stand on your own feet? If you never relied on anyone, then they never let you down.

John took Natalie's silence as acceptance and he quickly crossed the distance between them, bending to scoop Matthew into his strong arms. His hands brushing against Natalie's thing as he did so, causing her to hold her breath. His face so very close to her that he could smell the strawberry scent of her shampoo. His breath hitched as he looked down at Matthew, trying to avert his eyes from Natalie's cleavage. Finally John lifted to boy from Natalie's lap and stood up.

Natalie stood, smoothing down her skirt as she did so. "Nora brought over a bag of his stuff. If you can carry him upstairs, I'll change him."

"Don't worry about it. I'll do it." John volunteered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Just point me to the right room. That way you can go get some sleep."

Natalie led John to the foyer. "Actually I'm not tired anymore. Must have gotten my second wind or something."

"Must be nice." John commented dryly.

"Tired?" Natalie asked, concern evident as John followed her up the sitars and stood in the hallway, a sleeping Matthew in his arms.

"Haven't gotten much sleep lately." John admitted. He was relieved when Natalie didn't ask why. He didn't really want to lie to her but telling her how he kept having nightmare about her dying would have been far worse.

"In here." Natalie opened a door and quickly moved the duffel bag off of the dark green bedspread so John could lie Matthew down. John set the slumbering boy down gently. "You sure you don't want me to do it?" Natalie asked again, holding onto the duffel bag.

"What?" John asked with a tease in his voice. "Don't think I can handle it? I mean you're not the only one with a little brother."

"And look how well Michael turned out." Natalie replied with playful sarcasm.

"And Rex is citizen of the year?"

"Well I'm not the one spending all my time with him lately. I would think with all the time you two have clocked together working on this Cramer case that you would be swapping friendship bracelets by now."

"Don't even go there, Natalie." John warned. The case was off limits.

Natalie raised her chin in challenge but John's pointed look made her groan and roll her eyes. "Fine. I'll drop it." She caved. "For now."

"Was that so hard?" John teased.

Natalie muttered, "Yes." Before sighing heavily and passing the duffel bag to John, trying not to react to the tiny sparks of electricity that sparked as her hand grazed his. "Hey, I have this really good idea."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?"

Natalie smacked John impishly. "Like I was saying- I have this great idea. After you put Matthew to bed you can come down stairs and I'll make you a snack."

John shook his head. "Natalie, you really don't have to do that."

"I know. I want to. Besides maybe it will wake you up. I would hate to have to tell everyone at work that you fell asleep at your post."

John couldn't help but return Natalie's smile. Quickly, too quickly in John's opinion, Natalie had won the hearts of most of the LPD. She had an enthusiastic smile, could make a killer pot of coffee, never forgot the names of each officer's kids, and remembered to bring pastries every Monday morning. And as John overheard once too often in the break room, she was hot- like he needed a reminder. "Okay. But only if you promise to go to sleep afterwards."

Natalie grinned triumphantly, lingering in the doorway as John sat on the bed and pulled off Matthew's shoes. "Gonna just stand there and watch?" John asked, feeling her eyes bore into him. That was the problem, Evangeline was numbing, cooling and Natalie was a fire that consumed.

"Sorry." Natalie replied sheepishly. "It's just your good at that." She didn't admit that for a brief second she was pretending that it was their child, that they were a family. Dreams she had promised to let go but never quite could. Fantasies that were just out of reach.

"Good at what? Taking off shoes?"

"No. Taking care of people. I'm- I'm gonna go change." And with that Natalie slipped out across the hall and into her room.

"You're good at it too, Natalie." John said softly as he heard her door click shut.

TBC


	3. Part Three

**Part Three**

John started down the back steps through the kitchen only to stop short at the sight of Natalie. She had her crimson hair pulled back into a ponytail and she had changed into a pair of pale blue pajama pants with tiny clouds and a sky blue tank. It was so normal, so perfectly real, that he fought to swallow the lump the rose in his throat. So close yet so far. Natalie stood with her back towards him, reaching up and pulling down two white bone china plates.

"Taking out the fancy china I see." John mused as he stepped into the kitchen.

Natalie turned, startled, nearly dropping the plates but John moved quickly and caught her hand. They stood there, connected, unseen fireworks popping, in a moment that seemed endless before Natalie finally pulled back. "You scared me."

"Who did you think I was? The big bad wolf?" John asked.

Natalie shrugged, uncomfortable as she sat the plates on the kitchen table and went to the drawer for silverware. His eyes followed her, soaking in her curves, memorizing her movement, and when he caught her eye it as felt as though he had devoured her soul. A big bad wolf- it wasn't that far of a stretch. "Just a little jumpy, I guess."

She went to pass John when he blocked her way, his fingers grazing her wrist. His cerulean eyes burning into hers. "What's going on here?"

She wanted to rage at him, what wasn't going on here? She wanted to ask what he was doing here, why he kept wedging himself back in her life. Natalie wanted to scream, to kick- to do anything but stand there so close to him she could feel her whole body melting. She should tell him to leave, should hurt him the way it hurt her every time they were in the same room. But there was a possibility that this time he might listen, that he might go, and though it was torture to be so close to him- but to not have him in her life at all... Unimaginable.

So she went with a simpler truth. "It's nothing. I've just been a little on edge since what happened at the diner, and then with Jen." She shook her head, brushing past him. "It's just a lot to take in, that's all."

John stopped in front of Natalie again. Something had changed, something was off, there wasn't that comfort bubble they had been operating under a bit ago, the water wasn't smooth. It was raw, fraying and grating against him, against them. "Natalie..." John pressed, asking for something, something deeper, something shallower. Just something to pull them from their current situation.

"It's nothing, John."

It was his shot. He could call her out or let it go, deeper, shallower- safe, dangerous. John opened his mouth to speak, to force her to open to him, but the words would not come. What right had he to ask that of her? To demand unerring openness when he himself was tucked behind his own wall?

Natalie took his silence in and forced a smile. Play along, don the mask and cover your face, act the part and maybe it would actually happen- maybe one day they would be friends, just friends. Then it wouldn't burn, then she wouldn't hurt, play along. "So I was thinking hot dogs..." She went to the fridge and pulled out a package and then to the pantry and pulled down the buns. "We can cook them in the microwave. There is a grill outside but it's sorta fancy and there is a good chance I would burn off my eyebrows."

Microwaved hot dogs, not exactly John's idea of a good meal but there was a level of repose about it. Nothing fancy, not like the meals Evangeline ordered in, not house on the hill stuff, just food. "Sounds good."

Natalie smiled and popped two hot dogs onto a plate and into the microwave. "Glad you said that." She grinned, pulling out a saucepan and setting it on the stove. "Because I have a surprise for you."

"Please tell me you aren't gonna try and cook." John grimaced playfully.

"I can cook!" Natalie protested as John raised an eyebrow, sending her a look that saw right through her, shaking the truth from her branches. "Okay, I can't but I can at least heat things."

"And what are we heating?" We- where did that come from? There was no we, John reminded himself, no us. She would break; he would shatter her if he let he into his world. It was too dark for someone like her.

Natalie opened the sub zero rummaging around in the freezer before pulling out a white container. "Ta Da!" She said placing the white plastic pint in front of John.

John picked up the container with a smile, reading the label aloud. "Big G's Chili?" Big G had the best Chili hotdogs in the whole of Atlantic City. G short for Garry, a big muscular man with no neck and a low voice, ran it out a small dive right by the pier. He used to spend Thursday afternoons with the guys there. And suddenly he was slammed back in another life, another world, nostalgia thick. "How did you get it?"

Natalie smiled to herself, pleased. "I called in a favor."

A moment ago John had been a world away, in a city with twinkling lights and that held hope on a string to the gullible, and Natalie's voice didn't snap him out. She fit there, he painted her into the image in his mind eye and she belonged. It was only when he looked at the bone white china sitting on the table he remembered, she was better than that life, she was someone. "Gotta love those family connections." John smiled back at her, as Natalie grabbed a spoon and dumped the frozen chili into the saucepan.

"My connections?" Natalie countered. "I worked there one summer."

John raised an eyebrow. Big G was known to bark ordered and be less than agreeable, having one of the highest turnover rates in the city. He tried to picture Natalie surviving an hour with the loud vexatious man. "You worked for Big Garry?"

"Yes." Natalie replied, feigning offense. "Why is that so hard to believe?"

"I don't know. Just kinda hard to picture." John twirled one of the butter knives between his fingers. And there she was again, a lost little girl he had never even noticed. "Are you sure we are talking about the same Big G?"

"On 2nd, right by Lou's barbershop." Natalie stirred the chili, watching as the tiny ice crystals melted from the surface, trying not to feel his eyes on her skin.

John came up behind her, leaning over her shoulder, watching as she worked. "So what was it like? Working for Big G?" He wanted details, exact times and dates, things he could compare with and hold up, showing the world he had not been one of them. He had not been among the dim that ignored her pain.

Natalie shrugged, keeping her eyes on the chili, trying not to notice the way her skin hummed from his closeness. "Okay. I guess."

"Okay, you guess?"

"I mean it was just a job." Natalie turned her head slightly, unknowingly bringing her face close to his. She sucked in a quiet breath; his eyes intense and unwavering- eyes that always made her feel so exposed, so vulnerable beneath their gaze and yet so protected. Struggling to find her voice under such scrutiny, she finally stammered out, "What's the big deal?"

"Nothing." John admitted as he pulled back from her body slightly. Nothing she said would bring him the piece of mind he craved. He wanted to prove to himself that he was the hero, the white knight- that he wasn't the one making her bleed. Keep her at arms length, it's for her own good. For a moment he wondered what the hell here was doing there, why he was indulging in a midnight snack with a woman as dangerous as Natalie Vega was, why he was so close to her when all he would bring her was pain. But as he caught sight of the delicate skin of her neck he forgot to question. He just let it wash over him, this feeling of belonging. "You're just full of surprises, Vega."

"Am I?" Natalie questioned, contented.

"Yeah. I mean look, you live in this- this mansion and yet you're making Big G's chili dogs."

"Something wrong with that?" Natalie asked with a frown.

"No, no, not at all. It's just unexpected that's all."

"I think it's done." She said, stalling. There was this fear, a voice that sat nagging in the back of her head, that she didn't belong in this world, in either world anymore. She wasn't the house on the hill girl; she wasn't raised with the silver spoon. She was from the wrong side of the tracks in Atlantic City, all brass and color. And now, somehow, neither world quiet fit.

"Natalie..." John placed his large hand over hers, stopping her as she assembled their snack. His fingers were callused, rough, and she could imagine crescents from triggers and pens gripped too tightly etched into his flesh. Something realer than she had known. Her own fingers were once hardened, never like his but with a worldliness of there own. Now with her manicured fingernails she felt fake, as though she was wearing a costume that didn't fit. And she thought of how real his hand was- how real John's fingers felt and she couldn't help but feel that she was a coward, ashamed of her upbringing, playing dress up in someone else's clothes.

She pulled her hand away, tucking it behind her back as she faced him, an action of a guilty child. His eyes implored hers. "Natalie, did I do something?"

"No, no." Natalie insisted. She didn't want to do this, didn't want to be naked and needy before him, to spill her secrets like seed. But something about him made her speak, made her open like the flower to the sun. "It's me. It's always me." She sighed, returning to her work, something to busy her hands, something to keep her eyes from his before she melted completely.

John stood helplessly. God, how he wanted her, wanted to save her, wanted to bury all of his darkness inside her light. He didn't know how she did it. She should have been jaded, broken, and uncaring, but she wasn't. She loved with a barer heart than any he had known, with only a thin veneer of fake hardness to protect her. He wasn't as brave as her, didn't have to courage to risk the pain. He had locked his heart away, kept it behind a wall of pain. And she was dangerous, worming her way through his wall, making him care, making him ache. "Natalie..."

"John." She warned him. They couldn't do this again, this song and dance. The steps made her dizzy, made her needy, made her heart hurt.

He wanted to push, to press, to crawl inside her soul. But he couldn't. She was barred from him, a temptation, place your bets. And he wouldn't gamble on her; the cost was too high. So he sighed and moved away, no room at the table for those not willing to play.

"Done." Said Natalie, forcing a smile, forcing back the what ifs and maybes. She knew her part and was determined to play it, friends, only friends. She held out the two chili-dogs.

John took the plates from her hand. "They look great."

"Thanks." Natalie moved to the fridge and pulled out two beers.

"Can't. On duty." John reminded her.

"I won't say a word." Natalie promised. John took the bottle from her outstretched hand and wondered if she did it on purpose, that playful smile- if she did it just to break his heart. "Hey. I have an even better idea."

John swallowed a mouth full of chili-dog. "Better than Big G's chili-dogs?" He asked, disbelieving.

"That good, huh?" Natalie smiled softly.

"God, yes."

"I'm glad. I have another container in the freezer I was gonna give to Michael."

John sat down his food, jealousy painted on his features. "How come my big my brother gets one?"

"Because your big mouth brother happened to have mentioned it was his favorite." Natalie replied.

"When did you and Mikey get so chummy?"

"Right around the same time I made a fool of myself by saying that I knew you loved me and kissing you." Natalie regretted having mentioned it but the words flew out of her mouth before she could think and the hung in the air, painfully fracturing their comfort bubble. There was nothing to do now but continue on. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"Natalie..."

"No, John, really." Natalie said in a rush. "It was my fault. I should have assumed I know what you were thinking. You're with Evangeline. I get that. And you seem happy. I'm not gonna mess that up for you."

Happy? John tried to think the last time he was truly happy, but no memory surfaced just a blur of red hair and sapphire eyes. He watched as Natalie fiddled with the label on her beer, wanting to set her straight but knowing that it was better this way. It kept her safe and that's what mattered. He took a swig of his beer. "So what was this great idea?"

Natalie lit up again. He loved that about her, how she could light up just like a switch. "Oh I was thinking we could take this into the library and watch a movie."

John shook his head. "Weren't you going to bed soon?"

"I will in a little while." Natalie answered.

"Gotta tell you I'm not that into kid movies."

Natalie rolled her eyes. "We have other DVD's. Like... ummm... Jess has Titanic." John made a gagging noise. "I guess not. Or ya know Kevin left Speed here."

"Speed?" Natalie nodded as John picked his plate, standing. "Then what are we sitting here for?"

And Natalie fought back a laugh as he pulled her into the other room.

_TBC_


	4. Part Four

**Part Four**

'Relationships that start under intense circumstances, they never last.'

John grabbed the remote and flicked off the TV with a sigh. Intense circumstances, maybe that's why things couldn't work out. Those invisible threads that still tied them to heartache, pain and loss-Cristian for her and Caitlin for him. Because too much of Natalie was wrapped up in her memory, in her loss, because he could never picture Natalie in his bed without seeing her strapped full of explosives. And he couldn't do that again. It would kill him.

John reached behind him and flicked on a small lamp, bathing the once dark room in warm soft light. Natalie was sitting on the floor, her head resting against his knee, eyes closed, and for a moment he waited for her to announce once again that she wasn't asleep. But she made no move to do so.

They had started the movie out by awkwardly selecting seats, till finally Natalie grabbed the floor in front of the couch, maintaining a just friend's air. They had consumed their chilidogs, making random comments about the movie and who was the worst actor in the bunch. And when Natalie had insisted that John was a ringer for Kenau, they shared a five-minute popcorn fight which left the room in ciaos and John on top of Natalie, tickling her into surrender. After a moment that felt like eternity while John wrestled with his demons, his temptation to kiss her till she was breathless, he finally rolled off of her and they spent the rest of the night in their original seats in comfortable silence.

It was right after the bus exploded that John had felt a weight on his leg and looked down to see Natalie's head resting against his knee. "Don't fall asleep on me." He had warned and she had promised she wouldn't but it was clear now that she was unable to keep that vow.

John gazed down at her slumbering form, her pink lips pulled into a soft smile and he thought of letting her just rest, just be happy in whatever dreamland she had entered. But a glance at his watch revealed that Marco would be taking over his post in a little more than an hour. So with a heavy sigh he nudged her red head, her hair falling across his dark slacks. "Come on sleepy head."

"Mmm. " Natalie murmured contentedly as her eyelids fluttered open and she looked up at John's face.

John felt himself falling, her eyes so very blue and he was taken back to another time, another place. A field trip that his mother had handed him an extra seven dollars for, a boat trip but it had stormed all night long and he had sat up afraid the trip would be cancelled. His mother had told him it would clear and the storm always made the water so much bluer, and she had been right. That's what Natalie's eyes reminded him of, the ocean after a strong storm, dark but calm.

"Hey you." He whispered.

"Hey." She answered back, her voice still low with sleep. Titling her head back on John's leg, she smiled drowsily up at him and John felt a tightening in his chest as he idly wondered if she did that every morning. That if things had been different he could be the one waking each morning on the receiving end of such a smile that it put the sun to shame.

"Come on." He gestured with a nodded tilt of his head. "Lets get you to bed."

Natalie sat up, arching her back and stretching. "What time is it?"

"Time for all good girls to be in bed." John replied standing and reaching out a hand.

Natalie took his outstretched hand, pulling herself to her feet. "Then it's a good thing I'm not a 'good girl', huh?" She teased playfully.

"Yeah, yeah." John shook his head. "To bed."

Natalie rolled her eyes at his instance. "Do I look like I'm in need of a parental figure?"

"You look like someone so tired they couldn't even stay awake to see the end of the movie."

Natalie sighed; he had her there. She had just felt so relaxed, so comfortable with John. For once in her life she felt safe. She had meant to just rest her eyes... "So did they live happily ever after?"

"Something along those lines."

"Or until the sequel?" Natalie grinned.

"Or until the sequel." John conceded.

"Lucky." Natalie commented, then turned to survey the room with a groan. "God, I sure know how to make a mess of things." John caught her eye. "Not that you needed to be told that." She bent down, picking up popcorn off the floor.

"Natalie..." John hesitated. It wasn't the room- he knew that. But how to tell her that it wasn't that she messed things up as much as she added color to a dreary gray world? How to explain to her that before she came barreling into his life he didn't have a reason beyond work to wake up every morning? There was no way. No way to tell her without her knowing, and she couldn't know, because he didn't deserve her. It didn't matter if he loved her- nothing had changed. He was still with Evangeline.

"Its okay, John." Natalie shrugged, not facing him for fear she would reveal herself. "Hey why don't you lie back, get some rest while I straighten things up?"

"On duty." He reminded her.

Natalie turned and smiled tenderly at that. "I won't say a word."

John chuckled low in his throat, and the sound trailed after her, filling her with warmth. Another brief moment of happiness to tuck away, to take out and turn over in her mind when the nights were long and cold. "I thought I was taking you to bed." John commented, coming up behind her.

Natalie turned with a start, nearly colliding into him, her breath lodged in her throat for a moment before she spoke, her tone low and seductive. "To bed, huh?"

John's hands had shot out when Natalie had stumbled into him, wrapping themselves around her arms, catching her. Now he stood, struggling not to pull her to him as he watched he bubble gum tongue dart out and moisten her lips. He could feel his own lips trembling slightly, his thundering heartbeat deafening to his own ears. So easy, it would be so easy to just pull her towards him and take her, to bury all trace of his darkness in her sunshine smiles.

But he didn't.

He couldn't. He owed her more than that. And he loved her too much to use her to satisfy his craving. She meant more than a quick night. He loved her, and he knew she knew it. If he was stronger he would have had her, would have had her and then broken her heart in the morning light. But a voice in the back of John's mind knew that once he had her he would never be able to leave her. And she deserved more- she deserved better. She deserved a good man, not a lying excuse that let a dead man sit in a cell.

So with every ounce of strength he possessed he pushed her from her. Natalie stood, shaken eyes large with injury. Wordlessly she turned, going back to work. John's hands hung by his side, balled into useless fists, nails cutting into his flesh to keep him from going to her, from begging for her forgiveness and taking her in his arms and never letting go. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't sweat it." Natalie picked up the dishes, stacking them, feigning nonchalant.

"Natalie, you know I care but-"

Natalie looked up at him and he stopped, her sapphire eyes pulling the tides of his soul. "But not enough. It's okay, John." She shrugged. "It's not the first time."

He knew she meant it to be comforting but it wasn't. Life shouldn't have been so brutal to one so loving. It wasn't fair.

"And maybe it's better this way." Natalie continued as she cleaned, keeping her hands busy and her eyes away from his. Noble was a new color to her, and she wanted him to be happy. She wouldn't let him see how she was drowning. She would be strong. "I mean if we were to have... and then something were to happen..." She knew she was being vague. "I just mean- I wouldn't want to lose you. As a friend." She quickly amended.

Lose him? John thought. Wondering how he would make it through the day without her in his life. But he couldn't say that, she was trying too hard to do that to her, to confuse her like that. "You're never gonna lose me, Natalie." Natalie glanced up at him, eyes locking. "I'm always gonna be your friend."

Natalie smiled, a bit forced but something genuine behind her eyes. She was never gonna lose him. "So, friend?"

"Yeah." John answered back, returning her smile despite the ache.

"Gonna help me clean? Or are you just gonna stand there?"

"Me?" John asked incredulously. "Well, me, I was thinking about doing this-" And grabbing a hand full of popcorn from the floor flung it at Natalie who screamed and giggled, ducking into the kitchen.

John scurried after her. "Oh you are so gonna pay for that." Natalie promised, her hands tucked behind her back.

John moved cautiously closer. "I am, am I?" He took another step, daring her. "What are you gonna do?"

"This!" Natalie pulled the water sprayer from behind her back, hosing John with water.

John lunged and Natalie dropped her weapon, ducking under his arms and moving to the other side of the table, laughing. John shook his head, dripping wet. "You think this is funny, do you?"

Natalie tried to stifle a giggle. "No."

"Mmm-hmm?" John asked, taking a step to the right. Natalie countered stepped to the left. John stepped to the left and Natalie countered to the right. "Can't stay there all night, little girl." He warned.

"Wanna bet?" Natalie challenged with a smile.

John nodded, opening his mouth and Natalie waiting for the words so she could come up with a quick reply was a beat to slow as John ran around the table. Natalie tried to out run him but he caught her, pulling her warm body to his wet one.

"Ekk!" She squealed, as he held her tightly wetting her in the process before he finally let go. She hit him playfully as she moved out of his arms. "You idiot! You got me wet!"

John pushed a wet strand of his hair out of his eyes. "That was the general idea."

Natalie pouted, looking down at her now damp pajamas. "Oh what is it with you McBain boys and water?" She huffed.

"Hey you started it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Because who started the popcorn throwing?" Natalie baited him.

"Oh and that was a reason to soak me?" John challenged.

"Yes." Natalie answered with a solemn nod before her and John both broke into laughter at the absurdity of the conversation. "Come on," Natalie grabbed his hand, leading him up stairs. "I'll get you a towel. We might even have one of those star wars ones clean that Matthew uses."

"Oh goody." John replied sarcastically, but his hand never left hers.

_TBC_- One part left- Honest!

Becca


	5. Part Five

_AN:_ I wanted to thank everyone for their wonderful support of this story. I had a blast writing it and I hope you enjoyed it. Becca

**Part Five**

Ten minutes later John was dry or at least his hair wasn't still dripping. He watched as Natalie tiptoed from Matthew's room. "Still asleep?" He asked.

"Yeah." Natalie replied quietly. "I'm surprised we didn't wake the whole house up." As if tempting fate there came a small creaking sound. "Come on." Natalie ushered John inside her room, shutting the door behind them.

John looked around her room; he had seen it before but just in brief glimpses, when his mind was too preoccupied to take in the details. On her dresser sat a magic eight ball, causing him to smile to himself, something so childlike but so perfectly Natalie. She had a small jewelry box with a butterfly carved into the wood, and also a bottle of purple lotion but it was the pictures that caught his attention. Ones of Roxy, of Mrs. Davison, several of Jessica some taken with Natalie and a few of her and Antonio, one of Cristian with Antonio and Carlotta, and one of Rex. There was a photo of Natalie at her wedding with Cristian, and another of her with whom John assumed must be Clint. On a ribbon board there were more, one of the Mannings and another of Kevin and Kelly, one of Asa and Renee and still another of Joey. So many people that John felt oddly insignificant.

"Hey. I'm gonna put on a dry top." Natalie interrupted his musings as she pulled a dry tank top from her dresser. "I'll be right back." And she stepped into the bathroom.

John didn't mind- it gave him more time to peruse her room. There was a stereo in the corner and CD case on her nightstand. He picked it up, flipping through it, Bruce, Bon Jovi- typical Jersey stuff, the same CD's he had in his collection. He sat the case back down, knocking two frames to the ground. John quickly scrambled to pick them up as Natalie emerged from the bathroom in a dry white tank top.

"I heard a crash." She commented, walking over to him. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. I just dropped these." He held out the frames, one stacked on top of each other.

"It's okay." Natalie smiled at the photo and John encouraged, looked down at the picture. A little red head girl and a blonde toddler in front of a pink vinyl Christmas tree.

"Is that you?" John asked, amazed. Even back then she had the most amazing eyes.

"That's me." Natalie confirmed, and then pointed to the toddler. "And that's Rex."

"You're so young. I've never seen any pictures of you growing up."

"Yeah." Natalie sighed, taking the frame from John's hand. "Roxy wasn't really good about the whole picture thing when I was growing up." She sat the photo back on her nightstand.

John looked down, feeling uncomfortable; someone should have saved her back then. He didn't mean to but he found himself looking at the photo in his hand. One of him and Natalie, taken at Christmas time. She was dressed in a green top with a bow, looking like a present just waiting to be unwrapped. And he remembered Roxy insisting, and that he had stopped in to find Bo and how Natalie had invited him to stay. And he remembered why he loved her so much.

"Oh." Natalie glanced down at the picture in John's strong hand. "Yeah." She carefully took it from him. "Roxy gave it to me."

"It's a good picture." John commented.

"Thanks." Natalie smiled, setting the frame back down, feeling embarrassed that John knew she had a picture of them together in her room. She stood fiddling with her fingers for a moment before speaking again. "I better be getting to bed."

"Yeah." John replied, not moving- something making him want to linger.

Natalie pulled back her floral bedspread and sat on the bed, wondering why John was still there. "In case I forget to tell you, I had a really great time tonight."

"Pretty Woman." John beamed down at her.

Natalie blushed slightly, her ears flaming pink. How had he known that? "You know Pretty Woman?"

John shrugged. "It's my mom's favorite movie."

"Roxy's too." Natalie's slender fingers smoothed out the lines on her sheets, before admitting quietly. "And mine."

He knew that. He paid attention even if she didn't see it. "So what's your dream?" John asked, ripping off the closing line.

Natalie rolled her eyes. "To be a hooker that gets rescued by Richard Gere." John sat next to her, his eyes burning into hers and she knew he wanted a real answer. "I dunno... I guess I want what everyone wants. A family, a home, a few kids, maybe even a dog."

John listened but his ears picked up one word. "A home?" Most people would have said a house.

"Yeah," Natalie softened, drifting into her dream world. "Nothing too big, but with a nice backyard so the kids can have a swing set."

"Kids?"

Natalie blushed slightly. "Yeah. Cris and I used to talk about having a dozen."

"Talk about busy." John said, trying to force Cristian from his mind. He didn't belong here, this ghost of a man sitting in Statesville that hurt Natalie. He should be intruding on their moment.

Natalie laughed. "Yeah. I think we were a little over ambitious with that one. Still I would like a couple. Maybe a boy and a girl, Rex and I always had fun."

"With some help from Mrs. Beasley." John cut in.

"With some help from Mrs. Beasley." Natalie confirmed. "What- what about you? See any kids in your and Evangeline's future?" She hated to bring her up but she was slipping. Already she was picturing John and her, playing with two children, arguing about who needed to take the dog out for a walk, falling asleep together in each others arms.

"Evangeline and me?" For a moment he had forgotten about her. "Talk about over ambitious."

"What?" Natalie grinned. "Can't see driving car pool?"

What he couldn't see was Evangeline as a mother, her designer suits were not made for babies to throw up on. If hadn't had been so easy for him to picture Natalie smudged with baby food and still smiling, he would have told her so. But the image was clear and unwavering. "I don't think I'm dad material."

Natalie looked at him with a start. Was he kidding? "You're kidding me right? You're great with kids."

"Other people's kids." John corrected.

"And so with your own you would... what? Hang them by their toes?" Natalie questioned, disbelieving.

"I just don't see kids in the cards." He answered shortly.

"Sorry." Natalie apologized, backing off. "I didn't mean anything. I just think you would make a good father, that's all."

John ran a hand through his damp hair. "Thanks. You should get to sleep."

Natalie snuggled under the covers. "You too."

"No sleep for the wicked."

Natalie laughed. "Don't I know it." John stood as she went to turn off her light. "Night, John."

"Night, Natalie." He hesitated at the door. "And for what its worth, that dream you have? I think you'll get it."

"My very own happily ever after?" Natalie asked.

"Yeah." John spotted the magic eight ball. "Hey mind if I take this downstairs? Something to keep me awake."

"Go ahead." She offered.

"Thanks." He said pocketing it. "And good night."

She clicked off her light. "Good night, John."

John quietly shut the door behind him, standing in the hallway he looked at the magic eight ball. It was just a toy really- but he shook it. "Will I get my happily ever after?" He asked it quietly.

John smiled as he turned it over- 'signs point to yes'. For now that was close enough.

End-


End file.
